Week 5, Day 2

I didn't post for a week. I don't know if you noticed this or not. I was going through some things and couldn't make myself write an entry and still feel good about writing that entry. So I just took a week off, but I'm back now.

My weigh-in this morning was 302.5.

I don't recall much of what I eat yesterday, but I know I had roast and boxed sweet potatoes for dinner. The roast was delicious... the sweet potatoes... not so much.

Today I am working in vending... so... yay! Then I have a class immediately following in which I will be teaching an unknown number of people First Aid. So.... yeah.

Honestly I'm considering leaving the Red Cross. I don't feel like I'm doing good there anymore. I like teaching the classes, but it seems like we just can't get people to take them (damn economy) and so I'm only teaching 2-3 people at a time. To me that's just a waste of my time. I could be doing something else more productive like working at the theater... where I know I'll always get the hours I'm assigned... where the entire staff likes me... where I'm respected as someone who knows their stuff... where I'm one of the top members of the team. Yes, it doesn't pay as much, but it's more enjoyable.

Sorry, but I've had a lot of stuff go floating through my mind, and I don't know what else to do with it. I know I don't have a lot of followers, but I do feel that those of you who do read do care. And I'm glad for that. So very glad. I often feel like I have no one to vent to, and that is really what I want to do with this blog.

Don't get me wrong, I will still mainly talk about my weigh loss goals and progress, but I believe being able to discuss the other aspects of my life will help me "keep on track" with everything. So, that being said, I need to talk about something.

Is it normal to bleed for over a month and not die?

I have been discarding menses (I will use that term as it is the scientifically correct term) like they're going out of style. And I have since before I started this blog! On the other hand I hadn't for about 7 months prior, so I could just be making up for lost time.

Right now half of you are disgusted and the other half is wondering why I'm not going to the hospital to check it out. The first half will just have to scroll down to the next paragraph or something, because I need to talk about this.

For the second half, it's because I can't. I have been to the doctor several times before about this exact problem, and no one is able to tell me what the hell is wrong with me. NO ONE!!!!! They always do the same thing. They put me on some pill to stop the bleeding and then when it's done, they put me on "the pill" to hopefully control the cursed organ. I am then overally hormonal for several months, until I no longer have money to pay for my prescription, before I come back to normal - or as close as I can get, that is - until I start over-menesing all over again.

During this time, I have come to term with some specific facts.

1) I am most likely barren. But this is a good thing, because honestly who would want me to breed.

Sorry, it's comments like that that had me stop blogging for a week.

2) Weight is a factor is whatever is going on with me. That is the one thing the doctors can all agree on. So by losing the weight, I'm hopefully going to get this under control.

3) Living without health insurance sucks!

So I'm gonna give it another week or so to see what happens. Then I'll probably be forced to go in and get it taken care of with money I don't have, and neither does my parents, and the doctors will be able to tell me nothing, as per usual.

Quick question: When you look at me, do you see someone who is stupid? Because I ask the doctors (medical, optical, etc.) to tell me everything, because I like to know, and I get nothing. The last doctor I saw about this, gave me the most information though. She told me that it was possible that I had PCOS. Here is an except from the Facebook blog the last time I had this problem.

PCOS stands for Polycystic ovary syndrome. PCOS is a chronic condition that
causes irregular menstrual periods and elevated levels of androgens in women.
(from a pamphlet the doctor gave me) So this is what the doctor told me. And I'm
going to try to be as close to her words as possible.

Fat cells produce estrogen. Estrogen cause the lining of the uterus to
thicken. It's like the uterus is a lawn and estrogen tells the lawn to grow.
It's like the rain. (I'm not kidding. She actually said this.) Then progesterone
is like the lawn mower. That triggers your menstrual cycle.

That was November 9, 2007. So, it's been awhile since the last time, but it always comes back. And the doctor later told me that I didn't have PCOS, that I was perfectly normal other then being obese and having slightly high cholesterol. The latter I blame on not being told to fast before their damn blood tests.

So I'm a picture of health, and yet... I'm not gonna say it again. I don't know what to do and I'm sick and tired of not knowing what is wrong if anything.

I'm sorry for the lengthy post, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I gotta start getting ready for work.

Laters,
Erin